Some Washington Humor


Humor is hard to find these days in Washington. Don Surber, a former journalist who writes at his own blog and at Substack (https://donsurber.substack.com/) seems to have a knack for finding it. On January 29, I posted an article about his post about Republican Senator John Kennedy’s wit and wisdom. Well, his latest article compares many of the leading figures in Washington politics to Warner Brothers cartoon characters.

The post quotes an article from the New Orleans Times-Picayune.

Don Surber writess:

I really enjoyed writing last Saturday’s column, “The Wit and Wisdom of John Kennedy, R-La.” Readers did too. One hipped me to the Times-Picayune’s “Who said it: Sen. John Kennedy or Foghorn Leghorn?” quiz.

Alas, the quiz disappeared down the Internet memory hole, but Boing Boing saved four who-said-it questions:

    1. “She has a billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth.”
    2. “He’s tough as a boiled owl.”
    3. “He’s a hard dog to keep on the porch. He’s not a porch dog; he’s a running dog. He likes to do things his way.”
    4. “I’m not just talking to hear my head roar.”

Kennedy said the first three about (in order) Nancy Pelosi, Mitch McConnell and President Trump. The last one was all Foghorn. Yep, the senator is the rooster.

That got me to thinking. Who are some of the other Looney Tunes cartoon characters in that Loony Bin we call Washington?

Adam Schiff’s doppelganger is Marvin the Martian, the weirdo who wanted to blow up Earth to get a better view of Venus. Schiff is the weirdo who wants to blow up Trump to give Red China a better hold on America.

Please follow the link above to read the entire article. At this point, the best thing to do with Washington is laugh at it.

 

 

Sometimes The Only Way To Deal With Washington Is To Laugh

Don Surber is a retired newspaperman. He writes columns at Substack. Recently he wrote one about the wit and wisdom of Louisiana Senator John Kennedy.

Here are a few excerpts:

Early in his days in the Senate, the Republican John Kennedy said, “This is Washington, D.C. Politics is in everybody’s blood, kind of like herpes.”

…At a hearing on October 9, 2017, he said something that shocked the Advocate, Louisiana’s biggest newspaper.

It reported, “During a Senate Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee hearing last week, members of Congress expressed bewilderment that credit reporting company Equifax, under siege after a data breach affecting more than 145 million people, has received a $7.25 million contract with the IRS to validate the identity of taxpayers communicating with the agency on the telephone or through its website.”

At the hearing, Kennedy said to former Equifax CEO Richard Smith of that contract, “You realize, to many Americans right now, that looks like we’re giving Lindsay Lohan the keys to the mini-bar.”

…Six days earlier, he questioned Wells Fargo CEO Timothy Sloan about the bank’s creation of 3.5 million unauthorized deposit accounts and more than 500,000 unauthorized credit card applications.

Kennedy said, “I am certainly not anti-business. You can’t be for jobs if you are against business. What I am curious about is what in God’s name were you thinking? I am not against big business. With all due respect, I am against dumb.”

…On June 9, 2022, he told Fox, “In my state, the price of gas is so high that it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and just run everywhere.”

…“Just because you’ve seen My Cousin Vinny doesn’t qualify you to be a federal judge.”

…Kennedy told Neil Gorsuch when his nomination came up, “I guess what I want is a cross between Socrates and Dirty Harry, and I believe you just might be that person.”

He told Brett Kavanaugh, “I want someone who is willing to protect the United States Constitution and the Bill of Rights and understands that the Bill of Rights is not an a la carte menu.”

The article notes that Senator Kennedy is not uneducated:

He plays the blunt good old boy so well, he could have been Buford T. Justice in Smokey and the Bandit, but without the swearing. He also graduated from Vanderbilt, got a University of Virginia law degree and was educated at Oxford. Good old boys ain’t dumb, as Northerners who underestimate them learn over and over again.

Please follow the link to read the entire article. Senator Kennedy definitely knows how to disarm his opponents with a smile.

We Don’t Have A Free Press

On Saturday, Don Suber posted an article on his website titled, “We Don’t Have A Free Press.” Don Surber describes himself as a retired newspaperman who lives in West Virginia.

This is Don Surber’s list of reasons we don’t have a free press:

If we had a free press, 30 reporters would never pose with Nancy Pelosi as if they were her ladies-in-waiting.

If we did, Hillary’s 30,000 emails sent to a trucking company in Red China would have stopped her presidential bid.

If we had a free press, Seth Rich’s murder would have been bigger than George Floyd’s overdose death.

If we had a free press, journalists would not seek the approval of John Podesta (Hillary’s henchman) as we learned in the DNC emails leaked by Seth Rich.

If we had a free press, Hillary’s fake charity which laundered bribes from foreigners would have landed her in prison.

If we had a free press, the FBI spying on Donald Trump would have landed Barack Obama in prison as well.

If we had a free press, Jim Comey would have been Obama’s cellmate.

If we had a free press, Bob Mueller would have remained retired and enjoying his grandchildren.

If we had a free press, we would know the motive for Stephen Paddock’s massacre of 60 people and wounding of 413 other people at the Harvest Music Festival in Las Vegas on October 1, 2017.

If we had a free press, fact-checkers would have told us in 2008 that you can keep your doctor was a lie and not wait until 2013 when it was too late to undo the election and re-election of Barack Obama.

If we had a free press, there would have been at least one newspaper in West Virginia that endorsed Donald Trump.

If we had a free press, covid would be called the Wuhan Flu.

If we had a free press, the covid shots would never be mandatory for anyone except those in a nursing home.

If we had a free press, the Democrat riots of 2020 would have been called the George Floyd riots instead of mostly peaceful protests.

If we had a free press, Twitter never would have been able to censor conservatives or ban the president.

If we had a free press, Trump’s rally at the National Mall would have been the news on January 6, not the people lured into the Capitol by FBI informants and the Capitol Police.

If we had a free press, ballot harvesting would land people in jail instead of electing John Fetterman to the Senate.

If we had a free press, there would have been no impeachments.

If we had a free press, Hunter Biden’s laptop would have cost his father the election.

If we had a free press, General Milley’s admission that he called a Red Chinese general without DOD approval would have landed him in the brig.

If we had a free press, the raid on Mar-a-Lago would have led to an investigation of the FBI for abuse of its power.

If we had a free press, the hammer attack of Paul Pelosi would still be in the news.

Finally, if we had a free press, I would defend it.

Is anyone else tired of being manipulated and lied to?

When Parents Had A Chance To See What Their Children Were Learning

The past school year was a challenge in many ways. Many school districts were closed to in-classroom learning totally or had a mixture of on-line and in-classroom learning. Parents had to make arrangements to work and teach their children at the same time. It was challenging. However, there was one benefit–many parents got a good look at what their children were learning. Many parents didn’t like what they saw.

Don Surber posted an article on his blog yesterday about the consequences of the educational events of last year.

The article reports:

The Epoch Times reported, “Homeschool Applications Double In California.”

The story said, “The number of home school applications submitted to the California Department of Education soared during the 2020-2021 school year, state data indicates.

“There were 34,715 private school affidavits (PSAs) for five children or less submitted during the most recent curricular year. In California, homeschools are recognized as private schools, and homeschooling families are required to submit an affidavit to the DOE annually.

…The numbers are minuscule in a state of 40 million or so people.

However, the rest of the nation is in rebellion against public schools.

The story said, “Between spring and fall of 2020, the percentage of homeschoolers nationwide more than doubled, jumping from 5.4% to 11.1% in less than four months.”

The parents of 1 in 9 students believe public schools are so terrible that they would rather keep the kids home and teach them themselves.

The article notes a statistic that must be chilling to Democrats and Teachers’ Unions:

“In African American households, the proportion of homeschooling quintupled from 3.3% in spring 2020, to 16.1% in fall 2020.

“In Hispanic households, the number of homeschooling households doubled in the same time, from 6.2% to 12.1%.”

You can be darned sure parents aren’t teaching their kids CRT. Why, some may even be reading The Bible.

The article concludes:

PBS reported, “If schools fail to secure the trust of parents, advocates and educators worry that the public education system could see a falloff in enrollment, particularly among families of color. Some advocates also fear that schools faced with a larger proportion of students who are struggling or frequently absent will respond with overly punitive approaches, worsening racial inequality.”

Translation: Black parents must sacrifice their children for the sake of the community, comrade.

The covid push to homeschool is interesting. Black families are more likely to homeschool now than Hispanic families who are more likely than whites who are more likely than Asians.

That is the reverse of academic performance.

My guess is black schools are losing their best students. My guess is that those students will perform better. And my third guess is they won’t be liberal.

When I posted this article on Facebook, I got some very negative comments about children who were home schooled. I found that interesting since the children I know that are a product of home schooling have done very well–one is a Marine Corps veteran, one has a photography business, one is a successful computer programmer, one has a landscaping business, one has a power-washing business, one is a successful model, one owns a restaurant, and others have done equally well. Many of them continued their education in college and were successful in obtaining four-year degrees. I also find it interesting that many of the home-schooled children I know have started their own businesses.

 

Insanity Reigns

Don Surber posted an article today about the first person to be sentenced in the January 6th riot.

The article reports:

Elizabeth Pace of WAVE-TV in Louisville, Kentucky, reported, “Indiana grandmother will be first person sentenced in U.S. Capitol riot.” What was the woman’s high and hideous crime?

Parading.

Not insurrecting, but parading.

The story said, “The FBI arrested Anna Morgan-Lloyd, 49, and her friend, Dona Sue Bissey, in late February. According to the criminal complaint, Bissey posted a picture of them inside the Capitol during the insurrection, including comments of most exciting day of their lives.

“Bissey’s case is still pending and scheduled to appear in court July 19.

The article continues:

“Morgan-Lloyd was charged with a single misdemeanor of parading, demonstrating or picketing in a Capitol building. She entered a plea deal in exchange of three years of probation, 40 hours of community service and a $500 fine. A federal judge will declare her sentence Wednesday.”

This is such a bogus charge and bogus investigation that my eyeteeth hurt.

This really was a mostly peaceful protest that the media called a riot — unlike those riots that did billions of dollars in damage to city after city, which the media called mostly peaceful protests.

A ban on parading, demonstrating or picketing in a Capitol building violates the First Amendment in a manner the press once protested. Now the press hypes up a bunch of people protesting in the Capitol as some sort of combination of Pearl Harbor and 9/11.

How different it was when Marxists stormed the Senate Building in October 2018 to protest the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh.

Remember?

CNN reported, “Comedian Amy Schumer and model-actress Emily Ratajkowski were among more than 300 people arrested Thursday in protests over Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.”

Arrested is too strong a word, because the story said, “Capitol Police said they arrested 302 people during the demonstrations. Video from the scene shows the two actresses being detained after an officer asks if they want to be arrested.”

They said yes.

I don’t think they asked Grandma Morgan-Lloyd if she wanted to be arrested.

And Capitol Police did not kill any of the demonstrators in 2018.

Contrast the handing of a grandmother parading around the Capitol (admittedly she should not have been there) and the looters and actual rioters in Washington last summer. Unless someone in Washington is willing to stand up to the abuses in our justice system, we are going to be a banana republic very soon (if we are not already).

More Good News From The Middle East

Yesterday Don Surber posted an article on his blog about the killing of Mohsen Fakhrizadeh, 59, the Head of Iran’s nuclear program.

The article reports:

“According to Iran Front Page News, Fakhrizadeh was killed by shooting, but before the shootout, his car has been stopped with an explosion at Mostafa Khomeini Blvd. Several others are also reportedly killed in the incident, but haven’t been identified yet.”

In the past, we could have credited Mossad with another fine job well done, but now I do not know about that this time.

Arab nations are normalizing relations with Israel after a decade or so of casual and unofficial cooperation among Israel and Saudi Arabia. Obama siding with Iran — giving the rogue state $170 billion to blow on building nukes and terrorizing Israel — sealed the deal.

Maybe Mossad had a little help.

Israel and its Arab nations share two things in common. They cannot allow Iran to beef up, and they cannot trust the United States to help them. President Donald John Trump may be the last friend they ever have in the White House.

They also know Red China is an ultimate threat.

The New York Times described the incident as “A brazen killing takes place in a drive-by attack.”

The article notes The New York Times comments:

“The killing is bound to provoke sharp reaction in Iran.

“Mr. Fakhrizadeh’s killing, whoever was responsible, could have broad implications for the incoming Biden administration. It is bound to set off a sharp reaction in Iran, as did the American attack on Jan. 3 that killed Qassim Suleimani, the Iranian major general who ran the elite Quds force of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps.

“The killing of Mr. Fakhrizadeh could complicate the effort by President-elect Joseph R. Biden Jr. to revive the 2015 Iranian nuclear deal, as he has pledged to do, if the Iranians agree to return to the limits detailed in the accord.

“Israel has long opposed the deal, and if its agents were responsible for the killing of a man considered a national hero — in Iran, they will almost certainly be accused of being behind it — there could be political pressure in Iran to move forward with its current effort to gradually rebuild the stockpile of nuclear fuel that it gave up in 2015.

“American officials would not comment on the assassination on Friday morning, saying they were seeking information.”

The article at Don Surber’s blog concludes:

If the Supreme Court allows Democrats to steal the election, the new administration will quickly throw away President Trump’s gift of peace in the Middle East and side with Iran once again.

Follow the money. Red China owns Democrats now, and Red China supports Iran.

Israel and her Arab neighbors are on their own. Pray that they are strong enough to withstand the maelstrom Chairman Xi and his marionettes in Washington want to unleash.

Today, the allies showed they may be able to. They do not seem to have a choice.

Stay tuned.

Somehow The Mainstream Media Is Failing To Mention This

Don Surber posted an article today pointing out what the mainstream media seems to be missing:

The House voted 354-60 to condemn President Donald John Trump’s decision not to get involved in a dispute between Turkey and Syria. If members were Syria-ous, they would have voted to declare war. Put up or shut up.

But 2 1/2 years earlier, these chicken hawks in Washington accused President Donald John Trump of trying to start World War III in Syria.

On April 7, 2017, President Donald John Trump ordered 59 cruise missiles to wipe out the air base from which the Assad government had launched a chemical warfare attack on Khan Sheikhun. He was dining with Chairman Xi at Mar-a-Lago at the time.

USA Today accused the president of risking World War III.

Jessica Estepa, then an editor in its Washington bureau, wrote, “Is this the start of World War III? That’s what people are worried about.”

The people she cited were Magneto’s Fear, Penguin, Deplorable Winner, and other intellectual luminaries on Twitter.

Article I Section 8 and the U.S. Constitution lists the powers of Congress. Among the powers listed is, “To declare War, grand Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning  Captures on Land and Water;”

The website U.S. Constitution notes:

Q108. “Who has the power to declare war?”

A. There is a short answer and a much longer answer. The short answer is that the Constitution clearly grants the Congress the power to declare war, in Article 1, Section 8. This power is not shared with anyone, including the President.

The President, however, is just as clearly made the Commander in Chief of all of the armed forces, in Article 2, Section 2. In this role, the President has the ability to defend the nation or to take military action without involving the Congress directly, and the President’s role as “C-in-C” is often part of the reason for that.

What this has resulted in is the essential ability of the President to order forces into hostilities to repel invasion or counter an attack, without a formal declaration of war. The conduct of war is the domain of the President.

This brings up the question, “If Congress is so concerned with the withdrawal of troops, why haven’t they declared war?” The answer is simply–the actions of Congress are not about Syria, the Kurds, Turkey, Russia or any other area in the middle east–they are about bashing President Trump. That has totally skewed their ability to be either consistent or rational.

This Could Make The Next Two Years Very Interesting

Don Surber posted an article today that included some rather surprising information.

The article reports:

Brad Parscale, Donald John Trump’s 2020 campaign manager, told Jesse Watters last night that 34% of the people who attended the president’s rally in Grand Rapids were registered Democrats.

Parscale knows that because people needed to give the campaign their cellphone numbers to get tickets. The campaign then used the information to check their voting record.

…Parscale called the Green New Deal a big juicy steak for the campaign.

Axios limited its report on the interview to Parscale saying, “[Trump] has been very easy to work with this week. He’s been very smiley.

“I was in the White House this week; he served me hors d’oeuvres. That was a first. … [A] little pigs in a blanket, some meatballs. …He gave me a Diet Coke; he was very happy. It was my first [time] in nine years serving, of hors d’oeuvres from the president. Which is safe to say, very good mood.”

Axios was the only outlet (besides Fox News) that I could find with a report on the interview.

Gee, I wonder how the experts missed that last election?

It’s difficult to ignore the economic success of the Trump administration. I suspect those in the deep state will attempt to undermine that success during the next year or so, but there are some fundamental changes in regulations that will make that difficult. The unemployment rate and the workforce participation rate speak for themselves. Salaries at the lower end of the wage scale are going up. People are keeping more of what they earn. The mainstream media is not telling us all of the good news, but people are experiencing better economic times and discounting the media. This President has dealt with an unprecedented assault on our southern border and is beginning to deal with the problem in spite of Congress–not with the help of Congress. The President has also dealt with an unprecedented attack on him personally and on his family. It is time to stop harassing the President and let him lead. The attendance at his rallies are an indication that the public is not listening to the mainstream media–they are doing their own research and drawing their own conclusions.